i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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