I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
