I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
