I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
