i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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