Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
