my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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