Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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