Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize