Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
