you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
