She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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