the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
