kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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