She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
