She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
