i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
