it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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