Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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