if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
