We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
