he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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