Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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