erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
