I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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