The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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