____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
