Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
