i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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