I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
