i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
