There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
