I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
