He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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