It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
