i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
