I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
