Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
