paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Randomize
