I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
