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You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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