I can't breathe out the right side of my face
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
