Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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