You made me cry and you don't even care
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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