jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Can you bring me the toilet please
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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