STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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