my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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