If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize