yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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