He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
my poor anus
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
