It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
