Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
