I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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