You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
