you would pick up someone in the library
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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