He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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