you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
