twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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