I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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