how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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