Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
