I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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