Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
