You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
