You really coming over, don't trick.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
