plz talk dirty to me
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
