I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
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They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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