sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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