just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I didn't notice because vodka
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
