I need help removing her.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
