why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
