Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
